“Mommy, Can I Have a Wife?”

When a 4 year old asks about same sex marriage

It was one of those ordinary afternoons—I was typing away on my laptop while my four-year-old daughter, Thea, was on her sixth costume change of the day. Her imagination was in full swing, role-playing in front of the mirror, singing and dancing. That’s when I heard it:  

“You're my wife.” 

I froze. Every alarm bell in my “Christian mom” brain went off. I wanted to jump in with correction, to say, “What do you mean your wife? You’re going to have a husband, not a wife!” But I didn’t. I held back and listened.  

Later, during bath time, I gently asked her, “How come you were imagining having a wife, not a husband?” She replied with complete innocence, “I like girls, mama.”  

Cue the second wave of internal panic. But once again, I took a deep breath and asked, “Oh yeah? Girls are fun, right? What is it that you like about girls?”  

What followed was eye-opening. Thea shared how she wished she had a sister to dress up with, to dance with, to do all the girly things she loved. She wasn't talking about romance or sexuality—she was talking about companionship, closeness, comfort. She was expressing a deep craving for tender love in the way a four-year-old knows how.  

I asked her if there was anything she liked about boys. Her answer? “No, I don’t like boys.” It took me right back to my own childhood, when boys were “gross” and my world was full of dolls, glitter, and giggles.  

But when I asked her about her dad, she lit up. “I like Daddy’s hugs… but not his kisses. They’re pokey!” We laughed, and I told her how wonderful it is to feel safe and protected in Daddy’s arms.  

The Next Morning: A Teachable Moment  

On our way to school the next day, I gently brought it up again.  

“When you grow up and get married and wear a beautiful white gown, who’s going to be waiting for you— a husband or a wife?”  

She paused, “I think a husband… but is it possible to have a wife?”  

“Why a wife?” I asked.  

“So I can dress her up and get lots of snuggles.”  

My heart melted. Her longing wasn’t wrong—it just needed direction. It needed truth wrapped in love.  

I told her about how God made man and woman, how they’re different and beautifully complementary. That both moms and dads bring something special into a child’s life. We talked about how every child needs both, just like she needs both me and her daddy. The thought of not having a daddy broke her little heart.

God’s Design: Beautiful and Intentional  

In Genesis 1:27, we read:  

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

And in Genesis 2:24:  

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

These verses remind us that God’s design for marriage is intentional—male and female, united in covenant love. Not because it’s traditional or cultural, but because it reflects something deeper: the love of Christ for the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).  

So, I didn’t shame her or panic or overcorrect. Instead, I invited her to discover how God’s design is good, loving, and life-giving.  

I also began to invite her to dress up her baby brother, letting her pour that nurturing energy into their relationship. We talked about how mommies and daddies love each other in special ways, and how girls can have beautiful friendships with other girls—without confusion.  

What This Taught Me

This moment reshaped how I pray for my daughter’s future. I now pray that her husband will be gentle, kind and playful. That he’ll be tender like Christ, yet strong and sacrificial like Jesus on the cross.  

I pray he’ll let her paint his nails if she wants to. That he’ll cherish her dreams, respect her boundaries, and love her unconditionally.  

Because ultimately, my job is not to force her into behavior, but to guide her heart toward the One who made her.  

Proverbs 22:6 says:  

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”  

Sometimes, that training means biting our tongue and listening longer. Sometimes, it means trading panic for patience, and fear for faith.  

And always—it means pointing them back to Jesus.